im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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