I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
