yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
