I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
