Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
