I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
