porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize