I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
