you're like a bully in the Christmas story
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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