she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
