He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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