I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
