Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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