i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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