Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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