He is an equal opportunity slut.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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