Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
