shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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