did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
