Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
