people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize