She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
