hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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