Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
