First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
