Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
