honey bunches of taint.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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