Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
