I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
