I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
