watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
