This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
