Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
