her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
