u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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