It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
