Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
