I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
