i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
