Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
