So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize