Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
