Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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