these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
