The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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