wat bout pragnant strippers??
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
