I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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