The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
