Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
