She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
