She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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