Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
