Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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