if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I need help removing her.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize