dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
