Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
