It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
