I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
