Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
