i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
