The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
