Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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