I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Randomize
