Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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