I'm lost and stupid without you.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
