im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
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