Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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