If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
