Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
