I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
