i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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