I hate your face
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
