I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
All I want is dick and wine.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
