Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I am midnight drunk by noon
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
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