Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
