im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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