i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
