How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Only a mothe r could love this liver
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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