Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
