Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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