the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
