Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
