Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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