apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Randomize
