So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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