Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
