the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
