So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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