Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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