i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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