I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
