You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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