and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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