my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
