Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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