I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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